Join the Mile High Club
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So you think you want to join the Mile High Adventure Club. We're glad to hear you have a goal. The question is, do you have an adventurous nature and nerves of steel? An agreeable partner? Bail money? If so, you too can become a member of this very exclusive group.
Book a red-eye flight. With Air Marshals aboard and Indecent Exposure laws on the books, darkness is definitely the preferred medium for membership.
Find a friend. No matter how much fun you're able to have alone, it just doesn't count toward membership. Bring a willing sexual partner who is 21 or older on the flight. Unless, of course, you prefer the challenge of finding a new friend aboard who has similar goals. In that case, good luck!
Wait until the Captain levels off and announces the plane's altitude. To become a Mile High Club member, you must succeed in your goal after the plane has reached--surprisingly enough--one mile above the earth. (That's 5,280 feet to us mere mortals.)
Sit next to your partner and get cozy. Share a blanket in case one of you gets a bit frisky. Wait until the passengers begin dozing and the least amount of overhead lights are on before proceeding further. (Note: In-flight movies are also great sources of passenger distraction.)
Decide where you'll meet your goal. If the flight has few passengers, and none immediately across the aisle, you might consider staying in your current location. However, be certain you'll both fit in the allotted space. (You don't want to get stuck between seatbacks and have to call a flight attendant for help.) If your seat simply won't do, you and your partner must discretely meet in the only other passenger accessible area…the bathroom. (Fair warning: You'll have to stand in an area not much larger than your seat assignment.)
Get into the most accessible position, and quietly do the deed. Discretion is imperative. Remember, you can get arrested for drawing attention to yourselves, so this is not the time to howl like a baboon.
Complete your Mile High Club membership, and casually tuck all of your pieces and parts back in. Congratulate yourselves on a fun job well done--and don't forget to wipe that silly grin off your face.
Book a red-eye flight. With Air Marshals aboard and Indecent Exposure laws on the books, darkness is definitely the preferred medium for membership.
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